Sunday, September 11, 2011

Today is my birthday

I am seriously wondering if any celebrations are really needed to remember this day!!!

Yes, today is my birthday.... Does it have any significance? Have I done anything great? Have I touched lives of others in good way? If so, how many such lives? Why so many people wish me today? is it because I touched their lives and made a difference to them in someway or because they are returning my wishes; they want to feel good on their birthdays and hence they are depositing the wishes with me with a hope that I would return them on theirs?

To me, how different is this day? does it denote anything important? is it a reminder that one year has just gone by doing nothing. I woke up like any other day, took bath, ate, slept and worked like any other day. May be, if my parents were next to me it might have made a difference... we might have had chakkarai pongal and gone to a temple. Of course, i ate chakkarai pongal and went to a temple on a few other days too. So that is not the key differentiator!!! So what is it?

What is the real meaning of a birthday? We celebrate great guru's birthdays as festivals like Christmas, Krishna Jayanthi, Vinayaga Chadurthi etc. We celebrate great leaders birthday also like Gandhi Jayanthi, Children's day, Statistics Day etc. But, where am I in the list? Why should my birthday be celebrated?

Will I ever enjoy anything I used to enjoy before? I am not sure... May be, this is called mid life crisis - when you realise that your belief system has some flaws and you are not sure of the right system to believe in, you feel stuck; nothing makes sense; world seems to be bright and gloomy at the same time; almost nothing motivates you; every success, however big it is, seems to be only like a dose of alcohol, giving a high for a moment and making you feel even more void inside...

I have never been like this... even when there did not seem any light at the end of the tunnel... I see this kind of loneliness in many women around me. From whatever they have achieved, produced or managed, I am sure, they were enthusiastic and energetic. They still radiate with energy most of the times. But they share a deep sense of loneliness with their close friends. Why????

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