Saturday, July 23, 2011

One more step to take life back....

I became a gardener way back in August / September 2008, when I had to focus on something interesting but not strenuous. I had different types of plants in containers in my balcony (about 10 Square Feet area) including a drumstick tree. It took me about 4 months to do that much space with new experiments and with new plants. By then my treatment had touched an important milestone and life took a big turn. I was not to lift anything heavy - not even a litre of water. That put a full stop to my gardening dreams... But then my family took care of my plants in addition to taking care of me.

By April 2010, the treatment stopped completely. I was alright, up and running, though life had taken a toll on me. I had also tested my ability to withstand the pressures of working life with a consultancy work by then. I was ready to go back to work. I prepared my resume in end of April/early May 2010. To my surprise market reacted pretty nicely and got three offers in hand - from TCS, Ford and from HP. (those were the only companies I passed my resume to). I had a lot of free time till July 2010. In May, June and July, the only task was to attend interviews; it took only about 10 days of effort split across 2.5 months. The situation was much like 2008; I was healthy, but free... I turned my focus back on my plants.

I made some decisions about my plants (I think I made all wrong decisions around that timelines); I moved a few of them to the staircase. The biggest mistake was to move my drumstick tree to the vacant land besides my building. The tree survived nicely for about 3 weeks, but slowly started withering. There were rodents in that area. I did not know/realize. They ate the roots of the tree and killed it. The ones in staircase also started dying as the heat was too much for them to bear. I too was got caught up in mental trauma both in personal and official life. All my plants except for a money plant (Silver Vine), pasalai keerai (Indian Spinach), sotru katrazhai (Aloe Vera) and malai arali (a variety of Oleander) died. These four were really hardy and withstood all kinds pressures – no water on many days, hot sun, no manure.

Since May this year, I have been thinking, why have I left life to go on as it feels like and I should take it back in my hands. I should live life on my terms and not in any other way. I started doing things that I liked. I like writing and sharing information. I started blogging back. I was thinking about gardening also. But did not do much about it. After a while, with great difficulty I planted a few sangu pushpam plants(butterfly pea). But that is it about it. My 10 sq. ft. space was very dull with containers with no plants.

Today, I got down to work on my garden. I filled the containers with new red-soil-sand-manure mix. It took me about three hours to empty all the old soil and fill with new mix. I have six containers ready for plantation. In the coming weeks, I will start planting.

Friday, July 8, 2011

The judgements we make....

I have been a Judgemental person since childhood. I keep judging places, food, people and anything that I come across. I am an INTJ generally and sometimes an ESTJ with close friends. The TJ part of me stayed quite intact all these years.

I am trying to reduce the 'J' part of me these days or at least defer judging, though I am hardly successful in this exercise. Earlier I used to despise the famous phrase 'Judge not' thinking that those who do not want to take any decision turned down the idea of judging.

Now, after living for so long, I seem to change opinion slowly though I am still pretty much a TJ. However, I have  been thinking if I need to have so much 'J' of me from the time I learnt a certain facts about certain people after I made some judgements about them.

For example, I have a friend who studied in a big Bschool. He used to share his confusions and fears with me. Though I helped him make his decisions and clear his fears when he needed, I made a judgement that he lacks confidence. Later I realised that he was a different person to every one else and never showed the signs of his confusions or fears; it is just that he trusted me and shared his moments of uncertainity with me; that made me to come to this conclusions. This made me think again... Am I making judgements too quickly??? Sorry, I can not stop judging :-) now I am judging myself....