I travel every day
by taxi. I generally use my travel time to catch up with my friends and
family, so do not interact with the drivers mostly. But today is one of those rare days that the driver started
conversing with me; I too did not have the will to talk to anyone from my usual list,
so started listening to this person. He spoke about how he ate his
breakfast in a government run restaurant, how he dropped a person in a
neighboring state and made considerable money unlike the other days and so on
& so forth.
After 15 - 20 mins of
conversation, rather, talking about various disconnected items (the only
connection was they were all the driver's experiences with something), he abruptly stopped and said, "Madam, thank you". I could not understand why he
is thanking me, because I have not said anything other than acknowledging him with a few "uh-hm", "I see"! After pausing and leaving me in complete silence for a few
minutes, he said, "after 10 days, I talked to someone about something
other than my work and you listened intensely. Thank you for that".
I was curious to know why is he saying so. Without me prompting further he explained how he is always on the move, how his wife and sons are managing his absence, how his customers are requesting for his services, how he responds to them, how customers distance themselves from him, how his family is keen only on the money he brings in (surprisingly, he did not blame them; instead he said it is natural for anyone who is hard pressed for money!) and how he does not have a chance to talk to anyone on most of the days. When I met him, he was away from his family also for more than a week. So literally, he had not talked to any one about anything other than pickup place, drop place, bill and cash! While he accepted the realities of life with a chuckle, he was longing inside to share with 'someone'! By the time he was done explaining his reasons for thanking me for listening to him, we had reached my house. I got off the cab thanking him for the service, giving money. He thanked me multiple times for the conversation before letting me leave.
Since then, I have been thinking deeply about this experience and about my cook - who generally has a lot of stories to share. Unfortunately, when she is at my kitchen fixing our breakfast and lunch, I am busy doing my yoga, meditation and getting ready to go to work. I did not have the time to talk to her about anything else other than deciding the next day's menu and giving feedback on that day's food (that too only because she asks for!). I listened to her only to agree/disagree and how to reply not to understand her as a person not even to give her the feeling of being heard. Wow.... that hit me hard!!! Till then, I was thinking that I am treating her like myself by letting her choose to eat whatever & whenever she feels like and drink coffee/tea/milk any number of times she likes… Now I am thinking, really? Of course in many houses, the maids do not get to choose what do they eat, when do they eat etc.. But it does not mean that I am treating her like how I would like to be treated myself. Dont I want someone to listen to me to understand instead of listening only to reply!!
I was curious to know why is he saying so. Without me prompting further he explained how he is always on the move, how his wife and sons are managing his absence, how his customers are requesting for his services, how he responds to them, how customers distance themselves from him, how his family is keen only on the money he brings in (surprisingly, he did not blame them; instead he said it is natural for anyone who is hard pressed for money!) and how he does not have a chance to talk to anyone on most of the days. When I met him, he was away from his family also for more than a week. So literally, he had not talked to any one about anything other than pickup place, drop place, bill and cash! While he accepted the realities of life with a chuckle, he was longing inside to share with 'someone'! By the time he was done explaining his reasons for thanking me for listening to him, we had reached my house. I got off the cab thanking him for the service, giving money. He thanked me multiple times for the conversation before letting me leave.
Since then, I have been thinking deeply about this experience and about my cook - who generally has a lot of stories to share. Unfortunately, when she is at my kitchen fixing our breakfast and lunch, I am busy doing my yoga, meditation and getting ready to go to work. I did not have the time to talk to her about anything else other than deciding the next day's menu and giving feedback on that day's food (that too only because she asks for!). I listened to her only to agree/disagree and how to reply not to understand her as a person not even to give her the feeling of being heard. Wow.... that hit me hard!!! Till then, I was thinking that I am treating her like myself by letting her choose to eat whatever & whenever she feels like and drink coffee/tea/milk any number of times she likes… Now I am thinking, really? Of course in many houses, the maids do not get to choose what do they eat, when do they eat etc.. But it does not mean that I am treating her like how I would like to be treated myself. Dont I want someone to listen to me to understand instead of listening only to reply!!
Don’t you think all
of us need someone to listen to our stories and don’t you
think that we all have the right to express! Do we really give this to those
around us and do we really have it ourselves? Is it not the minimum respect our fellow human beings deserve to get from us? If right to express is one of the foundational human rights, is active listening not one of the fundamental duties?
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