Empathy

There was a talk show on TV a few months back on terminating the pregnancy when you know abnormalities in fetus growth. There were some mothers of special children, there were some women who had to terminate the pregnancy mid-way due to medical reasons and there were some social workers who fight against terminations.

One of the social workers accused a woman for terminating selfishly!! The social worker has a daughter and son in good health looks like. I wonder if he will ever understand the feeling of a lady who had to lose / terminate for medical reasons. What she had done is not a selfish act; in fact, that is the most selfless act. For her pleasure of having a child, if she continued, she would have had a child; but the child would have suffered the life time. Probably she would never have a child in her life at all; she would not even know when she is asked to take the decision!! Of course for some people, having a child is a status symbol – like having a car or house – they can decide quickly!!! But for those who genuinely want a child, it is the most difficult decision… because scan / tests are only indicative; miracles may happen and the child would be normal or the scans are right and the child suffers forever. I don’t think the social worker would ever understand this… because their fight is against the status symbol cases and illegitimate terminations and unfortunately they generalize the feeling.

A mother of a special child cried that she wants her life to be extended as much as her child’s as the child can’t do anything on her own. One woman who had to terminate said that she used to search for the child for several years after that incident as if the termination never occurred. I had done that too… for about five or six years…. I used to look for resemblance with me / my husband or my parents or his parents in all the kids as if I am trying to identify my child after she got lost in the crowd. I do not think the social worker would ever understand this feeling.

You may wonder why am I writing about something that I saw a few months back!! Someone wanted to forecast maternity leave in the team and was upset that information was not available earlier (even before it was confirmed!! ridiculous!!!). This person must have got children soon after marriage just as a byproduct. I am wondering if this person will ever understand that there are some things in life you can never forecast!! I can understand that people may not be able to empathize but it is unfortunate that they do not even consider the other human beings!!! Hats off to the prediction models and estimation models of the world!!!