Are you a vegetarian?..... Continued

Some time back I wrote an article on the same topic. When I wrote that article, I was ignorant at a level looks like :-). When someone asked me if I am a vegetarian, I was thinking that this person was commenting on my food habits.

But then, if I say that I am a non-vegetarian they used to ask me if my parents were also non-vegetarians; if I say that I am a vegetarian they used to ask me if my parents were also vegetarians and I do not take non-vegetarian food from childhood. I was getting irritated with these questions. Why should anyone be bothered about my parents’ food habits? In first place, they cannot ask me about my own food habits; but people around me go one step beyond and try to find out what my parents eat!!!

Aha!!! It suddenly struck me!!! They are trying to assess which caste I belong to by understanding the food habits. Wow!!!

Has this thing called caste helped me reach where I am today? NO. My community has had a chief minister… quite a number of judges, police officials, doctors, engineers, and teachers belong to this community… it has more than 60% of retail business of Tamilnadu… So what? Did it help me a bit? Big NO. It is my parents’ hard work, simple life and focus gave me a protected childhood; not the caste they belonged to.

Have I helped my caste in any way? Bigger NO. Have I contributed to the welfare of this community? Have I lived a big successful life that helped this community benefit in anyway? Have I simplified life for any of my men and women? No, not at all…. Then how does it matter?

All I know is, my blood group is B+ve, I have a body that resembles that of humans and the chromosome study done a few years back declares that I have 46 healthy chromosomes like any other human being. So I believe, I am a human in all scientific grounds. (mentally, I may not be as matured as Mother Nature expects human beings to be though :-) )

Throughout the world, people try to find reasons to exclude fellow human being – be it race, nationality, religion, color of the skin, language they speak, amount of wealth, literacy and intellectual level… that is the reason behind so many wars and bloodshed. Lets try to include people!!! Love people for what they are and not for which category they belong to!!!

Today is my birthday

I am seriously wondering if any celebrations are really needed to remember this day!!!

Yes, today is my birthday.... Does it have any significance? Have I done anything great? Have I touched lives of others in good way? If so, how many such lives? Why so many people wish me today? is it because I touched their lives and made a difference to them in someway or because they are returning my wishes; they want to feel good on their birthdays and hence they are depositing the wishes with me with a hope that I would return them on theirs?

To me, how different is this day? does it denote anything important? is it a reminder that one year has just gone by doing nothing. I woke up like any other day, took bath, ate, slept and worked like any other day. May be, if my parents were next to me it might have made a difference... we might have had chakkarai pongal and gone to a temple. Of course, i ate chakkarai pongal and went to a temple on a few other days too. So that is not the key differentiator!!! So what is it?

What is the real meaning of a birthday? We celebrate great guru's birthdays as festivals like Christmas, Krishna Jayanthi, Vinayaga Chadurthi etc. We celebrate great leaders birthday also like Gandhi Jayanthi, Children's day, Statistics Day etc. But, where am I in the list? Why should my birthday be celebrated?

Will I ever enjoy anything I used to enjoy before? I am not sure... May be, this is called mid life crisis - when you realise that your belief system has some flaws and you are not sure of the right system to believe in, you feel stuck; nothing makes sense; world seems to be bright and gloomy at the same time; almost nothing motivates you; every success, however big it is, seems to be only like a dose of alcohol, giving a high for a moment and making you feel even more void inside...

I have never been like this... even when there did not seem any light at the end of the tunnel... I see this kind of loneliness in many women around me. From whatever they have achieved, produced or managed, I am sure, they were enthusiastic and energetic. They still radiate with energy most of the times. But they share a deep sense of loneliness with their close friends. Why????

ஹே கிருஷ்ணா!!!

தேய்பிறை அஷ்டமி கால பைரவருக்கான நாள். எதிரிகளை வெல்ல உகந்த நாள். நீ பிறந்த நாளுங்கூடத்தான். என்னை, என் போன்ற மனிதர்களை எதிரிகளிடமிருந்து காக்கத்தான் நீ பிறந்தாயா கண்ணா?

நூறு கௌரவர்களாக, நூறு விதமான தீய எண்ணங்கள் என்னைச் சூழ்ந்து நிற்கின்றன - கோபமாக, குரோதமாக, உச்சகட்ட வெறுப்பாக, பேராசையாக, ஆங்காரமாக, அகங்காரமாக இன்ன பிற துர்குணங்களாக - என்னை வேட்டையாட எந்நேரமும் தயாராக உள்ளன. என்னுடைய, பிறருடைய தீய எண்ணங்களால், சொற்களால், செயல்களால் துகிலுரியப்பட்ட திரௌபதியாக என் ஆன்மா நிற்கும்பொழுது என்னை காக்கத்தான் நீ அவதரித்தாயா கண்ணா? இவை மட்டும் தான் என் எதிரிகளா?

எனக்கென்னவோ பாண்டவர்களிடமிருந்தும் இந்த பாஞ்சாலியை நீ காக்க வேண்டும் என்று தோன்றுகிறது. கதைப்படி பாண்டவர்கள் பாஞ்சாலியின் கணவர்கள்தான்; நல்லவர்கள்தான். ஆனால் அவர்களும் ஒருவித தளைதான்; எதிரிகள்தான்.

நான் தர்மம் தவறவில்லை என்ற எண்ணமே தர்மன், தொழில் சார்ந்த நுண்ணறிவு அர்ஜுனன்; உடல் பலம் பீமன். அன்பும், ஆற்றலும், அழகும் நகுல சஹாதேவர்கள்; நகுலன் அன்பிலும் அழகிலும் மதனுக்குச் சமமானவன்; சகல உயிர்களிடமும் அன்பு கொண்டவன். சஹாதேவேன் மிகச்சிறந்த சோதிடன், எதிர்காலத்தை கணிக்கத்தெரிந்தவன்.

ஒருவர் தர்மப்படி நடக்கவேண்டும்; செய்யும் தொழிலில் கவனமும் கூர்த்த அறிவும் கொண்டிருக்கவேண்டும்; உடல் ஆரோக்கியத்துடன் இருக்கவேண்டும்; சகல உயிர்களிடமும் அன்பு கொண்டிருக்கவேண்டும், எதிர்காலத்தை கணித்து தன் செயல்திட்டங்களை வகுக்க தெரிந்திருக்க வேண்டும். இவை அனைத்தும் நல்லவைதானே? ஆன்மாவை, வாழ்வை நல்லவிதமாக வழி நடத்துபவை தானே? இவை எப்படி எதிரியாக முடியும்?

ஆனால், சபையின் முன் பாஞ்சாலி கொணர்ந்து நிறுத்தப்பட இவையே காரணம். நல்லவை என்று நாம் நினைப்பதை இறுக கட்டிக்கொண்டு, நல்லவராக இருப்பதாக எண்ணி கர்வப்பட்டு அலட்டி, தேவையற்ற தளைகளில் சிக்கி, தீய எண்ணங்கள் பலம் பெற்ற ஒரு வேளையில் சருக்குவதே ஆன்மாவின் துன்பங்களுக்கு காரணம். எனவே கிருஷ்ணா, நல்லவற்றிலிருந்தும், நான் நல்லவை என்று நினைப்பவற்றிலிருந்தும் என்னை காப்பாற்று ஐயனே!!!

ஏழு பிள்ளைகளை சாகக்கொடுத்துவிட்டு, எட்டாவது பிள்ளையான உன்னையும் இன்னொருத்தியிடம் கொடுத்துவிட்டு தபஸ்வினி போல வாழ்வு நடத்திய தேவகியின் துணிவு கொடு ஐயனே!!! தேவகிக்காவது, நீ எங்கோ உயிரோடு இருக்கிறாய் என்ற திருப்தி, அதன் பின் புகழோடு இருக்கிறாய் என்ற நிறைவு!!! வசுதேவர் என்ற ஞானியுடன் வாழ்ந்த நிறைவு!!! இவை யாவும் இல்லையெனினும், அவள் அமைதியாகத்தான் இருந்திருப்பாள்... அலட்டாமல்தான் இருந்திருப்பாள்... இறந்திருப்பாள்... என்று தோன்றுகிறது!!! எதிரிகளை மாய்க்கப்பிறந்த மாமன்னனின் அன்னை அல்லவா!!!

எட்டு பிள்ளைகளை எமனுக்கு அளித்த என் மீதும் கருணை கொண்டு என் எதிரிகளையும் களைந்து என்னைக்காப்பாய் என் ஐயனே!!!

Is any day better than the other?!?!?!?

Recently someone was asking about my birthday. When I said it is on September 11th, the immediate reaction was "Oh my god, that was a bad day". I was wondering how people come to conclusion about the days so quickly!!! In fact, the great Vinoba was born on 11th September. World Tamil Association was started on this day!!!

December 6 (Babri Masjid), November 26(Taj Attack), and December 26 (Tsunami) are a few days people remember for bad reasons. It does not mean that the other days in the calendar are any better than these days in terms of the amount of blood world sheds.

On August 4th, Queen Elizabeth was born; Barak Obama was born; however, in 1181, on August 4th, Supernova was seen; 1265, 1351, 1578, 1666, 1704, 1760 there were wars started on these days. In 1666, hurricane killed thousands of people on the same day. Do these events mean that Barak Obama and Queen Elizabeth were born on bad days!!!

If you ask someone living in Kashmir or Sri Lanka or any other place where gunshots are a daily affair, they would not rate any day better than the other. Each individual would have their own reference... when they lost a loved one.

If you dig history deep enough, you would understand that all days are almost the same!!! What matters is how you live each day!!!

One more step to take life back....

I became a gardener way back in August / September 2008, when I had to focus on something interesting but not strenuous. I had different types of plants in containers in my balcony (about 10 Square Feet area) including a drumstick tree. It took me about 4 months to do that much space with new experiments and with new plants. By then my treatment had touched an important milestone and life took a big turn. I was not to lift anything heavy - not even a litre of water. That put a full stop to my gardening dreams... But then my family took care of my plants in addition to taking care of me.


By April 2010, the treatment stopped completely. I was alright, up and running, though life had taken a toll on me. I had also tested my ability to withstand the pressures of working life with a consultancy work by then. I was ready to go back to work. I prepared my resume in end of April/early May 2010. To my surprise market reacted pretty nicely and got three offers in hand - from TCS, Ford and from HP. (those were the only companies I passed my resume to). I had a lot of free time till July 2010. In May, June and July, the only task was to attend interviews; it took only about 10 days of effort split across 2.5 months. The situation was much like 2008; I was healthy, but free... I turned my focus back on my plants.

I made some decisions about my plants (I think I made all wrong decisions around that timelines); I moved a few of them to the staircase. The biggest mistake was to move my drumstick tree to the vacant land besides my building. The tree survived nicely for about 3 weeks, but slowly started withering. There were rodents in that area. I did not know/realize. They ate the roots of the tree and killed it. The ones in staircase also started dying as the heat was too much for them to bear. I too was got caught up in mental trauma both in personal and official life. All my plants except for a money plant (Silver Vine), pasalai keerai (Indian Spinach), sotru katrazhai (Aloe Vera) and malai arali (a variety of Oleander) died. These four were really hardy and withstood all kinds pressures – no water on many days, hot sun, no manure.

Since May this year, I have been thinking, why have I left life to go on as it feels like and I should take it back in my hands. I should live life on my terms and not in any other way. I started doing things that I liked. I like writing and sharing information. I started blogging back. I was thinking about gardening also. But did not do much about it. After a while, with great difficulty I planted a few sangu pushpam plants(butterfly pea). But that is it about it. My 10 sq. ft. space was very dull with containers with no plants.

Today, I got down to work on my garden. I filled the containers with new red-soil-sand-manure mix. It took me about three hours to empty all the old soil and fill with new mix. I have six containers ready for plantation. In the coming weeks, I will start planting.

The judgements we make....

I have been a Judgemental person since childhood. I keep judging places, food, people and anything that I come across. I am an INTJ generally and sometimes an ESTJ with close friends. The TJ part of me stayed quite intact all these years.

I am trying to reduce the 'J' part of me these days or at least defer judging, though I am hardly successful in this exercise. Earlier I used to despise the famous phrase 'Judge not' thinking that those who do not want to take any decision turned down the idea of judging.

Now, after living for so long, I seem to change opinion slowly though I am still pretty much a TJ. However, I have  been thinking if I need to have so much 'J' of me from the time I learnt a certain facts about certain people after I made some judgements about them.

For example, I have a friend who studied in a big Bschool. He used to share his confusions and fears with me. Though I helped him make his decisions and clear his fears when he needed, I made a judgement that he lacks confidence. Later I realised that he was a different person to every one else and never showed the signs of his confusions or fears; it is just that he trusted me and shared his moments of uncertainity with me; that made me to come to this conclusions. This made me think again... Am I making judgements too quickly??? Sorry, I can not stop judging :-) now I am judging myself....

Duryodhana Vs Yudhisthira

It is said that Duryodhana went around the country and declared that all men have evil intentions & they are good till they get a chance to do something bad whereas, Yudhisthira declared that all are good hearted & commit mistakes only because of circumstances. It is claimed that, this conclusion itself is an evidence for the latter's purity and the former's wickedness!!!

I have been seriously thinking about this for a while now. I seem to agree more with Duryodhana though I have not harmed any one intentionally and have helped people when they are in need etc. If you describe a "normal to good" kind of person, i would fit in there. if you describe self centered, wicked person, I would not fit in that explantion... Inspite of that I seem to agree with Duryodhana more than I would with Yudhisthira. If I think of the levels of betreyals I have faced personally, my parents had to withstand, a few of my friends have to swallow it hard,  Duryodhana seems to be right. Most of the people seem to be righteous because they do not have a chance to be wicked!!!

Not sure, I have taken this view because of the recent past or my learnings from my parents' life. However the point I want to make is, it is not how good you are makes you to come to any of these conclusions, it is how good the other people around you are makes you to come to conclusions. If Yudhisthira had come to this conclusions, either he was sorrounded with many "normal to good" or "good" people or he was stupid enough not to understand what is happening around him!!!